"Is That Normal?" -The Diary of a New Mom

2 days shy of 3 months ago, I sent Sean to daycare for the last time. Tomorrow is his first day back and I'd be lying if I said I don't feel conflicted about it. On one hand I'm glad he'll be able to see his friends and teachers and get that structure back again. On the other hand though, I feel guilty sending him back when I'm not going back to work yet. Now, logic tells me this is a good thing, we both need a break from each other and he's going into a safe environment (because you know if I had any doubts I wouldn't be sending him) where he'll be engaged in more ways than what I can do myself. Of course, that innate sense of guilt doesn't really listen to logic. I fear that tomorrow I will be just like I was when I first sent him, crying like a moron, but I also take comfort in the fact that I can go and get him whenever I want. I'll guess we'll just have to wait and see how tomorrow goes, I'll report back soon. In other news, we'v...

Greetings from day...42? 64? 759? Well whatever the number is I think we can all agree this nonsense has gone on long enough! Now does that mean I'm going to turn into one of those nut jobs storming the capital of whatever state they're in and demanding a reopening? OH HELL NO! Does it mean I'm slowly climbing the walls of my house and want to go SOMEWHERE besides around my neighborhood? YES PLEASE! Quarantine madness aside though, things haven't been particularly bad. Well, besides my parents having to sink 20k into our house this past week. Yeah, that was not fun. Originally it was supposed to be a replacement of our gutters and the rotting wood underneath. Then they found a squirrel nest in our chimney and the total damage it did that could've resulted in carbon monoxide getting into the house and, yeah you can see why we kinda had to do it. Fair's fair though, they did do a good job and they installed those gutters with the covering over them so not only c...

Oh boy, things have certainly gotten interesting for me. The last 5 days have been a roller coaster for sure, and it all started with a dream. My sister and I have a mutual friend that we've known for about 10 years now, though admittedly we were never really close friends. So you can imagine my surprise when I had a dream one night that me and said friend kissed (well almost, I woke up before the actual kiss 😣). So what do I do, yep you guessed it, I told him. To my surprise though I find out that, hey, he does actually have a crush on me! So for the past 5 days I've been dealing with emotions that I haven't felt in at least 2 years, and on top of that I now also have to deal with all my thoughts and feelings around my little guy. The two currently are having a hard time gelling, the love for a partner and the love I have for munchkin have never interacted together and as such are vying for my undivided attention. The whole thing is exhausting really. Add into that the u...

One year ago... I was laboring in the same hospital I was born in with my Mom, Aunt, and sister by my side. I remember the socks I wore that day because I picked them out specifically. They're my Game of Throne socks that have a flower and the phrase "Growing Strong" on them. I remember being so scared about getting the epidural just because it's a big-ass needle going into your spine. I remember singing "Hamilton" while curled around a pillow while my absolutely amazing L&D nurse, Jeanette, held my hands and kept my distracted. I barely even felt the needle go in and I remember laughing cause I was so worried about something so little. I can still remember the pain I felt in my hips with each contraction, the feeling like they were gonna pop out of their sockets. I remember I only had to push the epidural "shot" button 4 times while I was in active labor. I remember my nurse suggesting using a peanut ball cause her other patients had h...

I'd say let's just cancel 2020 at this point but we gotta make it to April 3rd first before we can cancel anything! Yes hello fellow humans, how are you handling the apocalypse? If you're anything like me, the hamster in your head is freaking out cause it doesn't know what the fuck to do at the moment. Let's recap shall we? So two weeks ago I was up to my knees in new styles at work that, through a lot of team work and perseverance, we managed to get up on the shelves. Aside from that madness though everything was going pretty well, except sales. Two weeks ago we were down about 25% to last year, last week was even worse. And as the COVID-19 cloud loomed ever closer, the mall slowly became deader and deader until yesterday (3/17 for you future folk) I literally had 2 sales. Most of the mall's stores were closed, and the ones that weren't were on modified hours (including yours truly). When we got the news the governor was shutting down all indoor malls...

You know that phrase "No use crying over spilled milk", everyone knows that phrase right? It's meant to convey the idea that it's happened, being upset isn't going to change anything. But what if you were really looking forward to drinking that milk? What if you had a long day at work and you just wanted to sit for a minute and enjoy something you like? Yeah the phrase has good intentions, but those intentions aren't one-size-fits-all for every situation. The last week or so has been, emotionally draining to say the least. Last Sunday, for whatever God-forsaken reason, the baby would not (could not) fall asleep. Feeding him did nothing, picking him up and rocking did nothing, letting him cry didn't help either of us. Finally at around 3:30 am we finally fell asleep...only to wake up 4 hours later for work and daycare. I'm not proud of that night; I cried, I yelled, I snapped at my poor little guy and looking back I feel bad now. I know we were both t...

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more. Sorry I couldn't resist XD Ah Valentine's day, a whole day dedicated to love...and ridiculously overpriced stuff. Trust me, I worked in a chocolate store during Valentine's day they do hike up the prices right before V-day. Just wait til the next day, it'll be a more enjoyable (and cheaper) experience for all. Anyway, I digress, I didn't just come here to ramble about Valentine's day (though it is a big factor). It feels weird after celebrating Valentine's day with someone for the better part of a decade to now not have anyone (besides munchkin of course). Not that I ever really got anything noteworthy most years, the only thing that really stands out is an admittedly lovely ring with little diamonds in an infinity symbol that is collecting dust in my jewelry box currently. Maybe one day I'll wear it again...or maybe I'll just sell it, that's a decision for another day. Either way, for those...

We've all been there, you're laying in bed and can't fall asleep so naturally weird shit starts floating into your conscious and you do what every other sleep-deprived human being does in the wee hours of the morning. You go to Google. No one knows why this phenomenon happens, maybe it's restoring balance to the universe. Maybe it's Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos or whoever actually runs Google mind controlling us. Either way, any searches that happen after 10 pm should not count (and be deleted immediately upon death). Why do I bring up the almighty Google you may ask? Well, last night in my slightly hormone induced insomnia (ok not really insomnia, it was 11) I started googling "Why do women feel guilty while pregnant?" No, I know what you're thinking my birth control (and lack of any male contact) has prevented any shenanigans. But remember my previous blog post where I said I felt robbed of enjoying my pregnancy? Yep. So what did I find on the fr...

Program: Crazy_Mom_Blog.exe is starting up... Authenticating... AH, THE LIGHT, IT BUUUURNS!! Hello dear reader, it's been a hot second hasn't it? I do apologize for falling off the grid for...3 months...allow me to catch you up and explain my absence. Let's rewind to October 2nd, I get woken up at lord knows what time by my mother telling me to move my dad's limo she's taking him to the hospital because he can't breathe well. I think that is the fastest I have ever woken up in my life. So I go out to move the car, give my dad a hug and he tells me they'll be home soon. So I go back to bed until munchkin wakes up, do our usual routine and chill around the house waiting to hear anything from my mother. Finally I talk to her and my dad not only has pneumonia but something odd came up when they checked his heart. So needless to say he's in the hospital for a few days til the pneumonia clears up and then they go in and look at the veins (or was it arteri...