Growth Spurts & Growing Pains
Hey, I'm starting to write this at 11:11 pm, make a wish!
Anyway, fresh outta my shower and coming to you live from my bed, it's your favorite part of the evening...guess Kim's mental state! Your choices are as follows:
A) Everything's fine, I actually got a decent amount of sleep!
B) Everything is definitely NOT fine, when was the last time I ate or didn't flinch whenever my baby makes a noise?
C) Somewhere in between...but seriously when did I last eat?
If you guessed C, you'd be right. And don't worry, I did have dinner tonight and it was delicious (margherita pizza on cauliflower crust).
In all honestly though I have been on an emotional roller coaster these past 6 weeks (yes I can't believe he's 6 weeks already!). I went to see my doctor on Tuesday and physically everything looks good but emotionally, well I'm still healing. When you go for your postpartum checkup they have you fill out this little survey which gives them an idea on if you're suffering from postpartum depression or anxiety and my score was a little high, which I expected, so she gave me a number to call to help me find counseling. I called today and they took all my info and a number to call tomorrow which will set me up with a counselor that takes my insurance in my area so I'm feeling pretty good about that. Therapy helped me in the past so I'm hoping the same still holds true.
Obviously, some days are better than others and I'm so thankful for the good days. Ironically, I actually look forward to Mondays since those tend to be one of his better days. This Monday was no different, he slept well so I slept well and he was overall cool just hanging in his swing so I got some stuff done. Today was a slightly more difficult day, I think he's going through a growth spurt cause ever since this morning he's been crying for food every 2 hours. I'm hoping it won't be like that tonight and he'll give me longer stretches (current time since last feeding? 2.5 hours, looking good!). So trying to take it one day at a time and just roll with stuff.
I feel like I'm getting better about letting things go. I have it in my head to always be productive but really, I am being productive, I'm taking care of my kid! So if laundry or vacuuming waits another day the world won't end. Lord knows how long I went between doing those things before I had a kid and the world didn't stop, I'm sure it'll be fine now.
I did feel bad yesterday cause I took him out to walk around the park and do a couple errands and waaaaay overstimulated him so it took a few hours to settle him down and get him to sleep and I felt so bad cause not only was he bawling (which almost had me bawling), I also kept my mom up later that usual. Now, logically my brain knows my mom was fine with staying up a little later; she didn't wanna leave me alone with a crying infant and wanted to make sure I ate (since I hadn't eaten much that day) and had someone to talk to. Logically I know this, but that dang disconnect in my brain stops that thought from going all the way through so I'm left with this wonderful sense of guilt. I'm hoping the counselor I eventually get paired with can help me work through that as well. Part of it I think comes from this being an unplanned pregnancy and me feeling like I shoved grandparenthood (is that even a word? Well, now it is!) on my parents, much like parenthood has been dropped on me.
My mom, ever the voice of wisdom, said that it's a huge adjustment and it's not something that happens overnight and oftentimes is a slow process. When you think about it, it really is such a huge shift in such a short period of time. Literally, one day it's just you (more or less at least, it's still only one body anyway) and while you are taking care of your little one it's done pretty automatically. You take care of yourself, you take care of baby. But then all of a sudden BOOM! You now have this tiny human to care for on his/her own, you have to make sure they're fed, clean, and getting everything they need. You can no longer just up and go somewhere, you have to take into account their schedule, are they gonna be hungry again before you get back? Do you have enough diapers and wipes in case they need to be changed? It's a huge shift and I'd be lying if I said I don't miss those days. I know the older he gets the better it'll be and slowly we'll both have more independence but right now I'm still adjusting to motherhood, trying not to beat myself up over thoughts I'm sure almost every woman has, and taking it one day at a time.
Like my favorite little blue fish always says, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
Anyway, fresh outta my shower and coming to you live from my bed, it's your favorite part of the evening...guess Kim's mental state! Your choices are as follows:
A) Everything's fine, I actually got a decent amount of sleep!
B) Everything is definitely NOT fine, when was the last time I ate or didn't flinch whenever my baby makes a noise?
C) Somewhere in between...but seriously when did I last eat?
If you guessed C, you'd be right. And don't worry, I did have dinner tonight and it was delicious (margherita pizza on cauliflower crust).
In all honestly though I have been on an emotional roller coaster these past 6 weeks (yes I can't believe he's 6 weeks already!). I went to see my doctor on Tuesday and physically everything looks good but emotionally, well I'm still healing. When you go for your postpartum checkup they have you fill out this little survey which gives them an idea on if you're suffering from postpartum depression or anxiety and my score was a little high, which I expected, so she gave me a number to call to help me find counseling. I called today and they took all my info and a number to call tomorrow which will set me up with a counselor that takes my insurance in my area so I'm feeling pretty good about that. Therapy helped me in the past so I'm hoping the same still holds true.
Obviously, some days are better than others and I'm so thankful for the good days. Ironically, I actually look forward to Mondays since those tend to be one of his better days. This Monday was no different, he slept well so I slept well and he was overall cool just hanging in his swing so I got some stuff done. Today was a slightly more difficult day, I think he's going through a growth spurt cause ever since this morning he's been crying for food every 2 hours. I'm hoping it won't be like that tonight and he'll give me longer stretches (current time since last feeding? 2.5 hours, looking good!). So trying to take it one day at a time and just roll with stuff.
I feel like I'm getting better about letting things go. I have it in my head to always be productive but really, I am being productive, I'm taking care of my kid! So if laundry or vacuuming waits another day the world won't end. Lord knows how long I went between doing those things before I had a kid and the world didn't stop, I'm sure it'll be fine now.
I did feel bad yesterday cause I took him out to walk around the park and do a couple errands and waaaaay overstimulated him so it took a few hours to settle him down and get him to sleep and I felt so bad cause not only was he bawling (which almost had me bawling), I also kept my mom up later that usual. Now, logically my brain knows my mom was fine with staying up a little later; she didn't wanna leave me alone with a crying infant and wanted to make sure I ate (since I hadn't eaten much that day) and had someone to talk to. Logically I know this, but that dang disconnect in my brain stops that thought from going all the way through so I'm left with this wonderful sense of guilt. I'm hoping the counselor I eventually get paired with can help me work through that as well. Part of it I think comes from this being an unplanned pregnancy and me feeling like I shoved grandparenthood (is that even a word? Well, now it is!) on my parents, much like parenthood has been dropped on me.
My mom, ever the voice of wisdom, said that it's a huge adjustment and it's not something that happens overnight and oftentimes is a slow process. When you think about it, it really is such a huge shift in such a short period of time. Literally, one day it's just you (more or less at least, it's still only one body anyway) and while you are taking care of your little one it's done pretty automatically. You take care of yourself, you take care of baby. But then all of a sudden BOOM! You now have this tiny human to care for on his/her own, you have to make sure they're fed, clean, and getting everything they need. You can no longer just up and go somewhere, you have to take into account their schedule, are they gonna be hungry again before you get back? Do you have enough diapers and wipes in case they need to be changed? It's a huge shift and I'd be lying if I said I don't miss those days. I know the older he gets the better it'll be and slowly we'll both have more independence but right now I'm still adjusting to motherhood, trying not to beat myself up over thoughts I'm sure almost every woman has, and taking it one day at a time.
Like my favorite little blue fish always says, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
Comments
Post a Comment