Greetings Adventurer
So, you've stumbled across my journey into motherhood. I'll give you one last chance to turn back before diving down this rabbit hole with me.
...Still here? Ok then here we go!
First things first, a little background information to set the stage.
If you were to tell me a year ago, having just turned 30 mind you, I'd be a mother before I turned 31 I'd have thought you were joking. Seriously, me? You sure you have the right girl? Yes I want kids but my boyfriend is in a different state and I still live at home! No, not me, you've got the wrong girl.
Oh how wrong I would have been...
While my boyfriend/fiance/ baby daddy (seriously, I hate that term) is still in another state and I do still live at home I am, indeed, a mom. Now this is where things get awkward for me, because I have certainly wanted to have children since college, but obviously I was not anticipating becoming a mother at this point in my life. So how is that awkward you might ask? Well, I'm an only child, the product of 10 years of fertility treatments that my parents went through. I also know people who have struggled with fertility issues so the fact that I had my son completely unplanned makes me feel guilty. Why was it so easy for me to conceive when I wasn't even trying while my friends and parents dropped serious cash and loads of time and effort into having a baby? I dunno, being an Irish Catholic you're born with an innate sense of guilt over things, this is just another layer on my "I'm sorry" cake.
So how did I get myself into this situation in the first place? Let's take a trip into the not so distant past shall we?
July 2018 I went out to visit my boyfriend in Colorado. He had just gotten himself his own place that was literally an empty trailer; no walls, flooring, nada, just a big empty box. Thankfully he has a background in construction so the plan was to slowly take that big empty box and make it a proper home with walls and plumbing and such. So I went out to visit, having not seen him since new year's because of my work, and certain things happened that, unbeknownst to me, lead to what I know realize was the conception of our son. So I flew back home to New Jersey, being none the wiser that I was now growing a tiny human inside me.
Now here's where things get really weird. You would think that next month when my period didn't come that I would be freaking out, running out and grabbing every pregnancy test on the shelf. Nope, not this girl! You see, prior to all this my periods had been, as I so poetically put it, wonky. They would randomly skip a month or two (even my gynecologist said it could possibly be a thyroid issue) so mine not coming in August didn't raise any red flags. Even when it didn't come in September I wasn't worried; I was just getting over what I thought was my stomach acting up (since I have acid reflux) but now I realize it was my version of morning sickness (seriously I threw up twice, tell me you wouldn't have chalked it up to a mild bug or something you ate!). Then it skipped again in October...and November...and December.
By the time Christmas rolled around I started to question things. I wasn't under any serious stress, nothing I could think of that had delayed my period in the past was applicable right now. Add to that customers at my job asking me when I was due, plus a comment by my own mother, finally made me go out and get a pregnancy test. When those two positive lines popped up I, quite frankly, was in denial. I did freak out, my boyfriend and best friend (who's my sister in all but blood) can attest to that. Thankfully, I had gone full time at my job in October and my health insurance was kicking in in January so I made an appointment to go see my GP (general practitioner for you non-medical folk) since I hadn't seen him in several years (prior to all this I had no real medical issues so I didn't go see him then in 2017 my medicaid expired because I made too much money to qualify). I told him all the symptoms I'd had starting with my stomach issues back in August and he sent me for an ultrasound, obviously thinking pregnancy was the cause. Still in denial, I made the ultrasound appointment for January 30th and tried to mentally prepare myself for whatever the results might be.
Come the 30th and me and my other best friend/sister drive to the ultrasound place. The worst part about ultrasounds? They see things better when you have a full bladder. So here I am, standing in the waiting room trying not to pee my pants when they finally take me back. After making me feel like a jelly doughnut, they put the wand on my stomach and what do they see?
A baby. An actual baby.
To be completely honest, the scan only confirmed what I had really started to believe. You see, another part of what ultimately made me go out and get that pregnancy test in December was that I was having weird muscle spasms in my stomach. At first I thought they were just spasms but then, every once in a while, it would look like a wave went across my stomach, like something (or in this case, someone) was pushing out from inside me.
The ultrasound tech I distinctly remember was a not so nice Indian lady. "Why haven't you come in sooner?" she asked me. Well, because I didn't have any real symptoms of pregnancy and I just got health insurance again this month lady, get off my back. The rest of that day was a major blur. I remember calling everyone and telling them rather sheepishly that I was pregnant, afraid of what their reactions might be. My one friend who went with me to the appointment was so excited for me. She has a daughter already, my unofficial niece, so she was (and still is) super supportive. Thankfully, everyone else I told had pretty much the same reaction of, "Well that's unexpected but exciting none the less!" which helped me breathe a little easier.
I won't bore you with the crunch time that ensued after that first ultrasound but know this, there's a lot of information that gets thrown at you when you're having a baby and most women have 8 or so months to sift through all that. I had 2. To say a lot of things happened really fast would be an understatement. I'm still not completely done with everything, probably won't be until mid-June when I go back to work, but the important stuff got done at least.
Before this post gets too drawn out I'm going to end my tale here for today. Next post I'll chronicle my birth story and the craziness that has been my little one's first month "on the outside". If you've made it this far I'm guessing you're in this for the long haul so know this; there's gonna be some TMI moments, a lot of raw emotions, and probably some incoherent rambling as well. If this is where you want the story to end then I bid you farewell and good luck on your next adventure, but if you're sticking around then buckle up and prepare for one crazy, unpredictable, epic journey!
To be continued...
...Still here? Ok then here we go!
First things first, a little background information to set the stage.
If you were to tell me a year ago, having just turned 30 mind you, I'd be a mother before I turned 31 I'd have thought you were joking. Seriously, me? You sure you have the right girl? Yes I want kids but my boyfriend is in a different state and I still live at home! No, not me, you've got the wrong girl.
Oh how wrong I would have been...
While my boyfriend/fiance/ baby daddy (seriously, I hate that term) is still in another state and I do still live at home I am, indeed, a mom. Now this is where things get awkward for me, because I have certainly wanted to have children since college, but obviously I was not anticipating becoming a mother at this point in my life. So how is that awkward you might ask? Well, I'm an only child, the product of 10 years of fertility treatments that my parents went through. I also know people who have struggled with fertility issues so the fact that I had my son completely unplanned makes me feel guilty. Why was it so easy for me to conceive when I wasn't even trying while my friends and parents dropped serious cash and loads of time and effort into having a baby? I dunno, being an Irish Catholic you're born with an innate sense of guilt over things, this is just another layer on my "I'm sorry" cake.
So how did I get myself into this situation in the first place? Let's take a trip into the not so distant past shall we?
July 2018 I went out to visit my boyfriend in Colorado. He had just gotten himself his own place that was literally an empty trailer; no walls, flooring, nada, just a big empty box. Thankfully he has a background in construction so the plan was to slowly take that big empty box and make it a proper home with walls and plumbing and such. So I went out to visit, having not seen him since new year's because of my work, and certain things happened that, unbeknownst to me, lead to what I know realize was the conception of our son. So I flew back home to New Jersey, being none the wiser that I was now growing a tiny human inside me.
Now here's where things get really weird. You would think that next month when my period didn't come that I would be freaking out, running out and grabbing every pregnancy test on the shelf. Nope, not this girl! You see, prior to all this my periods had been, as I so poetically put it, wonky. They would randomly skip a month or two (even my gynecologist said it could possibly be a thyroid issue) so mine not coming in August didn't raise any red flags. Even when it didn't come in September I wasn't worried; I was just getting over what I thought was my stomach acting up (since I have acid reflux) but now I realize it was my version of morning sickness (seriously I threw up twice, tell me you wouldn't have chalked it up to a mild bug or something you ate!). Then it skipped again in October...and November...and December.
By the time Christmas rolled around I started to question things. I wasn't under any serious stress, nothing I could think of that had delayed my period in the past was applicable right now. Add to that customers at my job asking me when I was due, plus a comment by my own mother, finally made me go out and get a pregnancy test. When those two positive lines popped up I, quite frankly, was in denial. I did freak out, my boyfriend and best friend (who's my sister in all but blood) can attest to that. Thankfully, I had gone full time at my job in October and my health insurance was kicking in in January so I made an appointment to go see my GP (general practitioner for you non-medical folk) since I hadn't seen him in several years (prior to all this I had no real medical issues so I didn't go see him then in 2017 my medicaid expired because I made too much money to qualify). I told him all the symptoms I'd had starting with my stomach issues back in August and he sent me for an ultrasound, obviously thinking pregnancy was the cause. Still in denial, I made the ultrasound appointment for January 30th and tried to mentally prepare myself for whatever the results might be.
Come the 30th and me and my other best friend/sister drive to the ultrasound place. The worst part about ultrasounds? They see things better when you have a full bladder. So here I am, standing in the waiting room trying not to pee my pants when they finally take me back. After making me feel like a jelly doughnut, they put the wand on my stomach and what do they see?
A baby. An actual baby.
To be completely honest, the scan only confirmed what I had really started to believe. You see, another part of what ultimately made me go out and get that pregnancy test in December was that I was having weird muscle spasms in my stomach. At first I thought they were just spasms but then, every once in a while, it would look like a wave went across my stomach, like something (or in this case, someone) was pushing out from inside me.
The ultrasound tech I distinctly remember was a not so nice Indian lady. "Why haven't you come in sooner?" she asked me. Well, because I didn't have any real symptoms of pregnancy and I just got health insurance again this month lady, get off my back. The rest of that day was a major blur. I remember calling everyone and telling them rather sheepishly that I was pregnant, afraid of what their reactions might be. My one friend who went with me to the appointment was so excited for me. She has a daughter already, my unofficial niece, so she was (and still is) super supportive. Thankfully, everyone else I told had pretty much the same reaction of, "Well that's unexpected but exciting none the less!" which helped me breathe a little easier.
I won't bore you with the crunch time that ensued after that first ultrasound but know this, there's a lot of information that gets thrown at you when you're having a baby and most women have 8 or so months to sift through all that. I had 2. To say a lot of things happened really fast would be an understatement. I'm still not completely done with everything, probably won't be until mid-June when I go back to work, but the important stuff got done at least.
Before this post gets too drawn out I'm going to end my tale here for today. Next post I'll chronicle my birth story and the craziness that has been my little one's first month "on the outside". If you've made it this far I'm guessing you're in this for the long haul so know this; there's gonna be some TMI moments, a lot of raw emotions, and probably some incoherent rambling as well. If this is where you want the story to end then I bid you farewell and good luck on your next adventure, but if you're sticking around then buckle up and prepare for one crazy, unpredictable, epic journey!
To be continued...
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